Product Description

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."

"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #1785 in Books
• Published on: 2010-04-26
• Released on: 2012-01-01
• Original language: English
• Dimensions: .71" h x 5.44" w x 6.92" l, .52 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 176 pages

Review
“A fun gift book that is bound to crack up anyone who flips through it.” (Los Angeles Times )

Sh*t My Dad Says is f______ great!...Very funny, very irreverent, very real. It’s refreshing at a time when we’re all choking to death on political correctness and can go for days without meeting a single person with common sense.” (Janet Evanovich, Time Magazine )

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like )

“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” (Chelsea Handler )

“Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny.” (Maxim )

“Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” (Kristen Bell )

“Justin Halpern’s dad is up there with Aristotle and Winston F*cking Churchill. He’s brilliant, and his son’s book is absolutely hilarious.” (A.J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Know-It-All )

“Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching—and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book.” (Laurie Notaro, New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club )

About the Author

Justin Halpern is the founding editor of the comedy website HolyTaco.com and a senior writer at Maxim.com. Halpern is the creator of the Twitter page "Shit My Dad Says," which boasts almost two million followers, and is co-writer and co-producer of the CBS sitcom $#*! My Dad Says. He splits his time between Los Angeles and his parents' home in San Diego.

Customer Reviews

1 1
Remember when...
By Tristan Urquhart
Funny observations. Vulgar but true. If your dad drinks whiskey and smokes cigars this book will bring you back to your youth.

15 16
"Fantabulous"!!!
By J. Tupone
This book is absolute hilarious. I'm sure some people won't find it funny because it's full of vulgarities. Fair enough, no one said it's for everyone, but if you're the type of person who considers straight-talk to be anything near a virtue or "refreshing", you'll love this book.

It comes off as politically incorrect because the author's dad is so vulgar and matter of fact, but it's really not. The only thing politically incorrect about it is that you're not supposed to swear all the time... or ever I suppose.

What's also great about this book is that the dad isn't a low-brow or some caveman who can speak English. The profanity-laden comments he makes are actually quite profound when you consider how often people in our society seem to go on and on and never really say anything. The quotes get to the point, they're funny, they're a little bit "Wow that was really crude", but hey, no one said this man is a politician - it's supposed to be about the musings of a down-to-earth, straight-talking guy.

It's worth the read - a good laugh all the way through.

6 6
A great Dad (and Mom)
By C. Rossier
Halpern's Dad is smart, doesn't take nonsense from anybody but is at the same time loving and fair. In my opinion, his son (the author) always saw through all the swearing to the core of the man (hopefully his other two sons did as well). This is a Dad who seems gruff but has his family's back and acts on it while maintaining a great sense of humor.

I particularly liked the last chapter. It made the read all worth while. As a single mother of two sons, I wish I had had a father like Sam for them. It would have given me (like Halpern's mom) the gift of being the nice person more often.